I’ve been staying away from writing for slightly more than a year. A silent protest. I had lost my voice and a huge part of my soul left me ever since Leia, my daughter, went home to be with the Lord on the 26 Dec 2010.
Why do I still write the phrase, “went home to be with the Lord”? “Died” sucks, “passed away” sounds distant, maybe I should use some movie titles instead like “Gone With The Wind”, “Underworld”, “Twilight”. Maybe “WHTBWTL” will be the alternative but never mind…
So I hadn’t visited this blog or the one I started for Leia, ‘cos it’s just too painful to read, yet I didn’t want to send both blogs into their virtual eternal condemnation. I just did the cowardly thing. I stayed away, avoided them like the plague. These blogs reminded me of my life ups and downs and everything mindless in between and for a long time, I was revolted and angry with every single thing I wrote. Now, I’m just angry.
Damn the coward that I have become, not wanting to put on record the bits of my life since the 26 Dec 2010.
Ah well, but that is a lie.
I found Facebook instead, which allowed me to broadcast my various emo states as long as the character limit doesn’t exceed 63,206 characters (any more, FB will prompt you to create a Note instead, according to Inside Facebook).
The wonderful FB status update box gave me an outlet to vent, gripe, complain, LOL, made various annoucements etc by just going straight to the point, and not having to bother about paragraphs, sentence structure, subject-verb agreement and punctuation. I guess I still needed to write, and found a compromise.
I’ve spent the afternoon getting acquainted with WordPress again, did some mindless cosmetic overhaul, particularly to Leia’s blog page. I have renamed it, changed the blog template and intend to write virtual letters to her as part of the healing process. I reckon I might as well keep the old posts intact, perhaps it will help another parent who could be going through the same thing that I did not too long ago.
As for this old friend of a blog, I had taken down the sticky post and placed the link to Leia’s blog on the sidebar. Still, I have yet to figure out Kancheong Spider’s focus.
Maybe the lack of focus will be the focus… I will just write what my heart tells me to.