I was home early yesterday (cos of early dismissal due to the exams) and decided to take TJ to the playground on the other end of the park. It’s always crowded and busy on the weekends and there is this possible fear of accidents waiting to occur especially when there are children who don’t have any situational awareness.

Anyway, it was around 3ish when TJ was finally dressed and ready to go. Winter wear can be quite a pain in the neck to put on, all that layers and even more difficult when the kid doesn’t have the patience to be dressed.

Fortunately for us, it was not too windy and the sun was out. As usual TJ inspected his shrubs and chased after  tried to catch up with two white pigeons. They didn’t seem to be afraid of the mini homo sapien who waved his arms and screamed with excitement. I had to stop TJ from getting too close to these birds, don’t wanna let them have TJ for tea or contract bird flu or something worse.

We spent some time at the playground, which was so empty that TJ and I were the only ones there but for only 5 minutes, then another toddler (21-months-old girl), her mum and grandma, then another toddler (same age as TJ and her helper). Yeah, we kinda started talking, but I am not exactly the kind to carry on talking, small talk or otherwise, with people I barely know. These people started first and since I am a polite person, I had to answer even if I wasn’t in the mood to. My knee has acted up, sore and swollen (still is while I am typing this entry) but I didn’t want to “waste” this opportunity that I can be home this early and to take my son out for awhile.

TJ enjoyed himself and I enjoyed spending this time with him and observing him explore his surroundings. I am glad he isn’t too afraid of new places, although he tend to play it safe by sticking close to me in the beginning. But when he knows that everything is safe and mama is near, my son will just wander off on his own.

For awhile, I felt sad that I don’t get to spend this kinda time with him everyday. The first year of being a SAHM was more to make sure the newborn survive, have all the right nutritions, become a baby and reach the respective milestones. But now, TJ is growing up so fast and is more “interactive” that I am second guessing myself if I should be at home. Still, in order to maintain a certain quality of life  and give the best that we can afford to TJ, I need to work and hence make do with whatever time I have and make the best of it.

This year, I am not willing and don’t have the time to “socialise” and build relationships/friendships with my colleagues unlike the pre-TJ days. Sometimes I miss the bitching, gossips, nonsensical bantering but I can’t do that now. Whatever time I have in school, I just wanna finish up as much of my work and go home. It kinda feels odd at times, it’s like I am missing out on a lot of things but I suppose my goals and expectations have all changed with just one word… Mum.

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