Couple of nights ago, the washing machine had just spin dry TJ’s stuff and I was arranging them on the Ikea laundry rack. I like the smell of newly washed laundry, and the thought of clean stuff makes me happy. Another thing I like is to arrange the laundry in a certain order, all the towels and hankies together, long-sleeved shirts can’t be mixed with short-sleeved ones, pants and shorts can go together but it depends on whether it’s PJ (i.e. pyjamas) pants or “going-out” pants/shorts. Ok, I am quite anal… 😉
Anyway, I was down to the last few pieces, when my dear husband, who had been relaxing on his beanbag and toying with his notebook, turned to me and asked if I needed help.
And my answer… “I am going to finish anyway.”
Which was the truth, and it meant exactly that. No hidden agenda, no double meaning, although we girls do get into the “I say this, but I actually mean another” mode some times.
And D, who prides himself to be a SNAG (Sensitive New Age Guy) and a MCP (Macho Chinese Person), got angry with me and started telling me that he just wanted to know if I needed help and he would help me, and that I sounded like his mum.
Drats, the part about me sounding like his mum really pissed me off.
‘Cos to him, my reply sounded like, “Oh, now then you ask if I needed help. Abit late right?!?” And worse, he felt that I was being sarcastic, like his mum. Gosh…
Now, this obviously spoilt my mood. And I felt wrong, misinterpreted and definitely didn’t fancy the idea of being like his mum. So, I rebutted and explained myself, but the SNAG/MCP didn’t seem to accept it.
I was thinking, should I have said, “It’s ok, dear, you don’t have to help, I can manage, I am going to finish… See, I only have like… one, two… Oh, five pieces left to hang. You just relax on your beanbag, don’t worry about me. Oh, and thanks for asking, you shouldn’t have, so nice of you.”
Anyway, D did apologise to me after that, even though he still insisted that my words meant something else. I accepted his apology, although I laughed in his face, and told him he is being childish. And well, I did apologise to him too, for my subsequent outburst, which I had to tone it down cos our son was asleep. 😉
I still think this was a silly spat, but it made me realise how powerful words can be and how easy it can be misinterpreted.
D and I seldom argue, and most disagreements are easily settled within the hour. Usually one of us, the perpetrator, will be the first one to apologise and the other, to forgive. We have been together for almost 13 years now, and I have forgotten most of our spats and arguments, save for a few life-changing ones which I can count with one hand.
Now with TJ in our lives, it seems like we don’t really have as much time as before to think about ourselves. Our days revolve around this new kid on the block, and I suppose as first-time parents, six months and 3 wks old parents to be exact, there are bound to be arguments. Fatigue is the main reason, but it isn’t an excuse for silly trival spats. Still, I think we are doing fine so far, as husband and wife and as parents.