Immense Patience… Thanks Mum

I have absolutely no idea what happened, or what has gone wrong.

For the 2nd consecutive night, Tyler is wide awake after his 7pm feed.

Of course there were the occasional “nightmare” evenings when TJ’s eyes refuse to close and I would have a horrible time trying to soothe him and get him to sleep. During those times, TJ will be most difficult, fussed and cried, or rather screamed, when the position that I am carrying him in wasn’t something that he deemed to be comfy. This would go on for 3 hours, till the next feed at about 2230h, afterwhich TJ would have been tired out and promptly fall asleep. By then, I would be absolutely drained and my self-esteem/confidence as a mum would have gone down south. 

I used to think that when he didn’t sleep right after his 7pm feed, it would be due to (1) overstimulation in the daytime (2) too many daytime naps (3) didn’t wake TJ, if napping, by 6.15pm. I have tried not to play with him too much during the evening after 6pm; started a daytime nap log to make sure he napped enough (between 4 to 6h); and begin waking him up at 6pm with his dreaded diaper change.

However try as I might, I am unable to find any pattern as to why there will be the occasional nights when TJ doesn’t and refuses to fall asleep. It can happen on any evening, even if I have done everything right. And to a certain extent, this exasperates me since I like things to run on schedule and be predictable.

Anyway, besides not falling asleep after his 7pm feed … what made this 2nd night different is that TJ was still wide awake during and after his next feed, 3 hours later, at 2210h. I decided to bring the time forward since he has been showing signs of hunger and well, I attributed his recent good appetite to another growth spurt.

And the fact that I am being very sane and still blogging about this tonight is that my mum has been the one handling TJ during the nightmarish 7 to 11pm. I feel so small next to her immense patience in carrying TJ and tolerating his nonsense (cries, screams, squirms). And she seems to have THE way to carry him such that he calms down much faster, unlike me.

For some time, I tried to coax him and it seems to work, but not always. If not for the fact that my mum is around during this time, and willing to drop whatever she was doing for TJ, I would have “gone crazy”. She would carry, pat, sing and even dance a lil’ with him, and would do that even if it took 2 hours. Thanks Mum, for showing me what it takes to be a mum. That’s patience, which I am lacking in.

Maybe it comes with experience. Still I thought to myself, as my mum takes TJ into her arms and gives me the opportunity to rest, that I must dig deeper for TJ.

And at the back of my mind, I am praying hard that this is just a phase that TJ is going through. My hypothesis: that his eyes are finally able to focus now and he is able to see many things unlike before, which is why he doesn’t want to sleep ‘cos of all the interesting sights.

I wonder what will happen tomorrow night.

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