Dilemma, Decisions…

The last wk at my mum’s place hasn’t been exactly a bed of roses. On the one hand, she has made everything comfortable for TJ and I, and I appreciate everything that she has done.

However she is also a doting grandmother whose parenting ways clash with what D and I have in mind. Especially when TJ starts wailing (his latest is to hold his breath as long as he could till his face turns beetroot red and screams so loud to wake the dead)… D and I have agreed not to run to his every cry, so that TJ learns to settle on his own as much as possible. But of course, when D was still in Sgp with us, my mum will stay away. But now that D is not around, she will run into my room when TJ starts crying and wants to know what happened, why he is crying so hard, why I let him cry so long (gee, time is subjective isn’t it), why I don’t carry him ‘cos he will suck in too much air when he cries so hard and gets wind…

I don’t really want to get into any argument with her. But each time I tell her not to carry him right away, and that I will let him cry not more than 15 minutes (but in that time, I will find ways to soothe him without carrying him), she thinks I am a bad mum and darn it, she will tell her grandson, “You mum is a bad egg” (direct translation from Chinese, i.e. mum is not being nice). That pisses me off even more. And well, I am trying to establish a nighttime routine for TJ which starts from 7pm to 7am (usually it’s 8am, cos I need that extra sleep). Night time routine means low lights, don’t talk too much or coo to the baby unless necessary, and even if talking is required, it should be done in low flat tones. But my mum has to do the absolute opposite and thinks that I am weird to do all those things.

Btw, these routines are necessary for him and I, cos I want TJ to sleep through the night subsequently and it’s important to start as early as possible. Although he is still on his two and a half hourly feed (D and I want him to gain weight till at least 3kg), and sleeping through the night isn’t quite possible yet, still the routine will help him to know the difference between day and night. (D and I have been referring to the Baby Secrets book as our “bible” and our parenting concepts are taken from there).

And hell, I am already not getting enough rest at night, since I am solely in charge of the night shift (D, wish you are around to share the load), and I really don’t want to keep explaining my parenting ways to my mum and when she doesn’t agree, she wants to do her way. I know my mum is a mother of 2 and that my brother and I turn out fine, but hey, TJ is my son, and I want to do it my way.

So yes, tempers have flared ‘cos my fuse has been short due to fatigue, but my mum doesn’t make it any easier. So much so, D and I have even discussed about returning to HK with TJ in Nov. This solution is tempting, cos I really miss D and I know he does too, but if we go down that road, it will be a solution that is not for TJ’s benefit but for us adults. Afterall, our original idea is for TJ to stay on in Sgp till Feb 08, when he is at least 5 mths older; gain more weight; has a stronger immune system and hopefully easier to take care of in HK.

So the decision of remaining in my mum’s place till Feb 08 is still in effect, except I need to really communicate with my mum on what I am doing for TJ and hopefully she gets to see it from my point of view. So far, I can see that my mum is trying hard not to meddle too much… think it is really tough for her since she can be such a control freak. 🙂

2 responses to “Dilemma, Decisions…

  1. hey, i can understand what u’re gng thru cos my mum can be quite a control freak at times! if you really think u wanna return to HK in Nov ’07, but is unsure if it’s for TJ’s good…i can assure u tat when the family is reunited, it’s the best for all 3 of u. TJ will definitely put on weight and grow stronger, under the care of both his parents! Though i’ll miss u all if u return to HK, but i think u know what’s best for him…

  2. Yeah.. thanks. I think we will still “rough” it out here in Sgp till Feb 08… it’s for TJ’s good actually. D and I would love for our family to be reunited, but when we think abt health issues, it’s still better for TJ to remain in Sgp until he is older and stronger. It’s a painful decision on our part, but necessary.

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