These are our homes, but there are differences…

This is my 2nd week back in sunny Singapore. The 1st week was with D but now that he is back in HK, I am very much on my own (so is he) until we meet again on the 29 Sept.

The air back home in S’pore is definitely better than in HK, it is still hot and humid but the constant wind that I get at my Pasir Ris place makes it nice and cooling. It’s a nice change but I reckon it’s going to be autumn soon in HK, and the weather will be equally nice too. Will miss that actually.

Now that I am back in S’pore, staying at Pasir Ris (with MIL), things have kinda changed and there are differences between being home alone in HK vs S’pore.

The Pros In Pasir Ris (with MIL), S’pore:
1. No housework, cooking of meals, marketing etc to do ‘cos MIL has a maid who has worked for the family for years.
2. Save money staying home to have home-cooked meal (not sure if it’s healthier than what I cook in HK but better than eating out everyday)
3. My bed is bigger

The Pros In Our Small Apt, HK:
1. It is still our place and I can do anything I like… eg lazing on the couch, turn on the music, watching TV. (MIL’s only entertainment is TV, both in the living room where the cable is and her bedroom where she watches her serials on dvds, and if I want to watch my shows on cable in the living room, I will do it only when she is done or when she goes out)
2. The clincher: D comes home after work each day

Btw, I am usually in my own room in S’pore now, usually on the net or watching CSI/DVDs on my new LG LCD. For one, I don’t like watching the shows MIL watches and I am not going to purposely do that so as to make it seem I am “socialising” with her. It’s not me, and as long as my bedroom door is opened while I am in the room, I think it isn’t anti-social. Besides I am not the type to make superficial talk with her, not even with my parents. If we have something to discuss, we will, but it does seems like we may not talk more than 10 words even tho’ we stay under the same roof. Wonder how she interprets that.

So yes, I am missing our space in HK. The Pasir Ris apt, altho’ D had bought it with his mum years before he reckoned he will marry me, is afterall not exactly our place. It’s done in her taste (‘cos she is the bigger “shareholder” and the one who is the deciding factor) and she already has her system in place.

Just like I have my own system in HK, where things are kept and how things are run (esp. the kitchen and cooking). I wouldn’t want to cook in MIL’s kitchen… especially if she is around cos she will be telling me what to do and what not to do. And of course, I don’t like it.

The last few times when D and I return to S’pore, we have been talking about our future plans if we come back to S’pore for good. We thought about moving out, cos after staying on our own for the last 3 yrs, we realise we are used to the concept of staying on our own and having our own space. But when we discussed further, it would mean opening a can of worms that we aren’t sure if we are prepared for. The important issue is if we get another place, we need the $$$ and it is stuck in this Pasir Ris apt. So we would have to sell the Pasir Ris apt, return the money that my MIL had forked out and have her rent a smaller place etc, while we also get a smaller place ourselves (don’t mind smaller apts cos it’s cosier and easier to clean).

The thing is, none of us would want to broach on that, and of course her other sons will not suggest having her stay with them even tho’ they have bigger places. I understand that, if you are already so used to staying on your own already, why would you want to spoil that? MIL did mention years ago to D and I that if we want to stay on our own, it’s fine… but we can’t cos of the $$$ that is in this apt that she is staying in. So it is a Catch-22 situation, and the easiest way out now is to stay on in HK. 🙂

Last Sunday, just before D left for HK and we had a couple of hours to talk. This subject came up again, but this time, we toyed with the idea of not moving. Instead, we are thinking of doing up the entire house according to our taste this time round. And more importantly, creating space for our children, ‘cos there are too many wasted spaces right now. I was thinking, I would love to redo the apt, get some interior designer to suggest and create the useful spaces we need. But if MIL is still staying with us, I doubt the dynamics will change much, but at least the apt will be a place D and I feel will be somewhat close to our ideal home.

Frankly the other reason I am hoping we have our own place is the system that my kids will grow up in. With MIL, who isn’t very difficult to live with but (1) she smokes and (2) she already says she doesn’t want to take care of our kids, I really dunno how that will work out. I don’t want my kids to see conflicting images and well, I will most likely be the one to back down cos I don’t like confrontations myself. 

I think in the beginning when D and I got married and stayed here for about 2 yrs, we didn’t feel this way. But now that we have stayed on our own and enjoyed that freedom and space, even tho’ it’s small in HK but cosy, we find it harder to readjust each time we come back to our Pasir Ris “home”. Usually we are back for about a week when we return to Sgp, and I suppose the weird feeling of readjustment doesn’t kick in. However the last few times we returned, especially now that I am back here for a month, it feels odd.

Seriously, unless there is some kinda revelation or maybe D and I get a big sum of money so as to get our own place without selling the Pasir Ris apt, then things will work out just fine. But till then, staying in HK is the easier option. 🙂

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