“Tyler, here’s the first of my many instructions to you…”

Stay inside until I come back,”D told Tyler as he placed his hand on my tummy and felt TJ underneath it.

Early this morning at about 5am, I had a bit of a scare. I woke up to cramps that I hadn’t experienced before. It felt like menstrual cramps but on the other hand, the position where the cramps occurred were much too low. In fact, it felt difficult to walk ‘cos of the cramps and my tummy felt heavier than usual. I went to the toilet, praying hard that I wasn’t bleeding or worse, that my waterbag broke or something. Somehow, I felt that could be the preterm labour pains that I had read before.

I didn’t see any of those things, and the cramps kinda subsided. When I went back to bed and tried to go back to sleep, another wave of cramps hit me again and it seemed like my lower back began to ache too. By now, Tyler seemed to have awakened and was moving, squirming quite alot. I think he must have felt the pain that I was experiencing and he seemed to want to get out of the way.

I remembered D was still in deep sleep and snoring away, and I comtemplated about waking him up. I don’t know why exactly I didn’t, maybe it’s ‘cos I reckoned if the 3rd wave of cramps swing by again, that would be my signal to wake him up and maybe we would have to go to the hospital or something. Or maybe it’s cos I reckoned I will not run to D right away since he will not be by my side for the next 26 days or so, and I would have to be the one to be independent.

I thought I felt something dropped downwards inside me, dunno if it was TJ, my uterus or something else and that kinda freaked me out. By then my cramps were milder and I didn’t see any bleeding whatsoever, which reassured me a lil’. I recalled thinking that if I was going to give birth today, at least D would still be in Sgp. Would that be God’s plan? When I thought about it more, I realised this would be too freaking soon since there are lots of TJ’s things that haven’t been set up/delivered to my mum’s place yet, and more importantly, I am not ready.

By now, the 3rd wave of cramps didn’t appear and I guess I must have fallen asleep. Later that morning while still in bed, I told D about my “ordeal”, and he asked how come I didn’t wake him up. I told him about my fears during that time and that I felt much better, besides TJ was up and about, active as usual and at the appropriate time of the morning. Later, I asked a good fren about this and she called to ask me if TJ was moving after the cramps. If he was moving, hours after the cramps, things should be ok.

Sending D off at the airport this afternoon was quite tough for both of us. I was hoping to be strong and didn’t want to show any weakness. But both of us were teary-eyed… haiz, this is just too hard for both of us. I said a prayer for both of us, and hope that the weeks to come will be easy for both of us. And most importantly, TJ will wait till D returns at the end of Sept.

Final instruction for TJ before D left, “Keep mummy company and be good.”

And final instructions for me, “Be careful ah, don’t go walking into walls, signposts and trip over imaginary steps on flat grounds. I am not around to watch out for you.”

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