“I think we have grown closer these last 2 years,” D said while we were on the way home earlier after our weekly climb at YMCA.
At first I didn’t quite hear him, ‘cos I had just put on my headphones and choosing the right song on my iPod Video for the ride home.
And well, I had that quizzical look on my face which prompted D to retort, “No meh?”
“But we have been together for the longest time, 7 years of dating before we got married, and on top of that, this will be our 5th year of marriage,” I replied.
On a deeper level, the length of time doesn’t really mean much anyway. Couples could be together for decades but do they really know each other? Two persons can live together, play together but how much of a person does he or she reveal to the other? I can’t say that D knows everything about me, or that D has revealed everything about him to me, but I would like to think that there are fewer dark secrets between us now.
The fact that we are far away from our families and our usual social circle in S’pore has forced D & I to work together more closely as a team, at home, at work and at play. We do have our fair share of arguments, hurts and pains these last two years, living so physically close together can be tough. We can’t just run to our families or close friends to get away from each other, and since neither of us is the sort to go into denial, we would fight it head on and resolve the matter.
It’s not all lovey dovey, looking at you in the eyes and thinking how wonderful the world is. That’s what Hollywood romantic comedies would like you to believe in and have some hope that it could happen to you. I don’t deny that D & I do have lovely moments most of the time, but the reality is when it’s war, it’s a full-fledged war (more a Cold War) being waged in a miserable 600+ sq. ft apartment.
And when that happens, all that sweet loving feeling comes to a standstill, communication breaks down and you wonder why the other person is so daft not to see your amazingly logical point.
I came across this article today, “If you don’t have the balls to be hated, then you don’t deserve to be loved.” Quite crudely put, but has some truth in it. Except that I still think it’s a good thing to be nice to people, but being nice doesn’t mean I have to agree with everything you say. Maybe I would blog more on this another time.
I have digressed, back to D and I.
I do believe things would have been a lot different if we had remained in S’pore, maybe we wouldn’t have been this close. We might make decisions (e.g. having a kid) that would not be 100% our own, as there would be implicit or explicit influences from other family members. We might still be talking about doing this or that and never gotten down to it ‘cos we would still be stuck in our comfort zones. We could just go thru’ the motions of a typical married couple in S’pore (work and pay for the flat; upgrade to a bigger one; have kids and pay for more loans) and never really experience life in its different shades and colours.
And my fear… that we go thru’ the motions and put up appearances so that it seems like we are having a wonderful life when in fact, we are suffering big time. That would be terrible way to live, together.